30 Days of Truth - Day 1 - What I hate about myself

As I read through these 30 questions I find myself just wanting to give one word answers. It would be easier. However, I did not sign up for life to be easy (I didn't really sign up for life at all, but that is another matter), I guess anyone reading will just have to forgive me for anything I say that offends.

My next thought is that its odd that this 30 days of madness starts with something negative. I personally try not to be negative. With various jobs I have had that are full of negative people I find that negativity is like a virus that spreads to everyone around the infected. Since I my goal in life is happiness – I try to stay positive – though this does not mean I am not sarcastic or cynical.

Okay really I am getting to the topic. I hate that I eat when I need to feel better. If there is anything emotionally too much for me in a day – I eat to feel better. It means that since I was 14 I have had constant weight as well as body image issues.

When I was at my heaviest I met my husband and he has helped me a lot. While I believe people should be content in their own life and not depend on other people to make them happy – I love what my husband and I have. He makes me want to be active together and though he makes me exercise I manage to fight it with every fibre of my being. Sometimes I even trick myself in to exercising – which some people may not believe and always entertains my husband. Like one time I packed up all my swimming stuff and walked to the pool. The whole time I was thinking – if I get there and don't want to swim, I just won't swim. Though by the time I had walked the 5 minutes there I felt like I should do something. So I went swimming. When I got in to the water is was so nice on a hot day in Hong Kong – that I swam for like 20 minutes. See – I can trick myself :-) Equally he does not judge when I need rocky road ice cream after the two hour hike – it was hard damn it!