Thursday, 25 October 2012

Science Fiction Flash Story

I am currently taking a Science Fiction and Utopia class during my Literature MA and am loving it. One assignment I had was to write a very short story (only 1,000) words pertaining to the science fiction ideas of society - think 1984, Orwell.  I finished this last week and have since submitted it to the professor.  We also had to write a commentary, to explain why and how what I wrote was science fiction idea of society, but I have not included that here.  Mostly it pertains to the history of the world I created, and honestly I want to keep that to myself in case I want to continue writing in that world.  Here is the short story:


“Skål” shouts every person in the bar, clinking glasses together.

The chairman of the Gunvaldsson-Preem Oil Al Sherika stands up to make his Al Hijra speech.

“It has been a good year for the GPOS, we have made new partnership agreements with Arabian Oil, and thanks to lobbying with the Al Urdun government we are now allowed to trade with Jordanian Britain and France,” pausing for emphasis he continues “however, before I let you return to celebrations we must remember we have goals for the coming year. GPOS is attempting to buy the rights to an ex-soviet pipeline. It was partly destroyed during the Revolution, Alhamdulillah, but the Al Urdun is considering allowing it to be repaired.” He points to a couple of managers in the room “and we want that contract, Inshallah” he pauses again taking a deep breath and recites a short prayer of thanks for Al Hijra, the new year.

When the moment of silence had elapsed he proclaimed “alright everyone, happy new year and I hope to see you all in good health on Monday morning.”

The whole room claps respectfully and the hum of conversation returns. This is one of the two times a year the employees are allowed out of work for anything other than praying, at the mosque (for men), or at home (for women). Andie knows that she is only allowed to meet publically because Sweden is so far from the center of the Al Urdun empire. Here the two sexes are allowed to work, and occasionally socialize despite the strict Sharia Law. There are, unfortunately, growing rumors this behavior will not be tolerated by the new government.

Andie sits at the back of the room that used to be a bar and contemplates this rumor. She can't seem to get as excited as everyone else about Al Hijra. She is upset that even her native words are being used in such a restricted way. “Skål” means “toast” sure, but she should be toasting to a good new year with family. But she can't. Not since her father was taken by Sharia Police three years ago for having a book on world history pre-Occupation.

She taps her glass of doough with her neighbour's and takes a gulp of the yoghurty drink with ice and mint. She wonders when the last time this bar was a place of debauchery like the government portrays of Western American life. Probably not since the Occupation. No one else in this room would likely call the fifty year period of Al Urdun empire ruling Sweden “the Occupation,” more likely they would call it the Great Islamic Revolution or just Revolution. Her mouth is suddenly very dry. She takes a refreshing sip, remembering the images of old Sweden in her father's book.

“What's wrong Rasima?” comes from across the table at Andie.

“Nothing, just thinking about the amount of work to do once New Year's is over. What are you thinking about Ebrahim?”

“Oh same as you, although I am excited to meet the woman who my mother and father have chosen for me to marry, Inshallah” Andie smiles at this, secretly glad that her brother has no intention of marrying her off as if she is some sort of property to be sold. At least their father taught them that, before he was taken. Her father called her Andie and her brother Bengt-Arne as their private rebellion to the Occupation. To everyone outside their family, including Bengt-Arne's wife, she is known as Rasima, her brother as Hussein.

She looks over at Ebrahim, “Do you think you will be married this year? The mullahs say it is an auspicious year for marriage”

Ebrahim thinks for a moment as he sips his doough. He is a spiritual man who seems respectful and honest. His face looks strong, tan and youthful now but Andie predicts that he will look drawn and tired as soon as he begins to grow his beard after marriage.

“Well so far my mother and father, Inshallah, have not chosen the best women for me. The first one was pretty enough, but her family had a history of mental illness that my parents said should be overlooked. Since I am the oldest and will be the man of the family when my father dies, my wife should not have depression in her genes. And although she said she was 20 but Age Test confirmed she was nearly 23, too old” he takes another sip and looks Andie in the eye “It is amazing how women still try to lie about their age.” Then he casually adds “When will your brother choose a husband for you?”

Andie knows this is becoming a frequently asked question. Since her brother is married and has many children, there is really no need for her to do the same. She knows that her boss will not put up with having a single woman in the office of her age. Once she has been fired she will eventually pass an Age Test checkpoint on the street and the Sharia Police will take her.

“I know my brother is looking for someone perfect, and I only have to wait, Inshallah, for the right man” she responds after a moment.

“Well he had better not wait too much longer, or...” and he lets the sentence drop off. Andie begins to think maybe he isn't as respectful as she had originally thought. The fact that he would allude to her age or even the sanitarium means he is rude at best. But she ignores this and smiles gently at him.

“I have many years before I need to worry about that” she lies, hoping her smile hid that one day soon they will try to forcibly sterilize her. In the Al Urdan Empire, any woman who reaches the age of 25 without having been married or producing offspring within marriage is sterilized and removed from society. This is just part of the skewed version of Sharia Law that was forced on Sweden during the Occupation. Most citizens go along with disappearances and limited rights. Andie can't blame those who have a natural desire to live. After World War III when the Al Urdun decimated Eastern Europe, there weren't many choices. But Andie has made a different choice: to find the rebellion and to help them, Inshallah.


Monday, 15 October 2012

Left 4 Dead

Lately since I have been trying to procrastinate working on my MA final project as well as my writing, I have been hanging out a lot with roleplayers and gamers in Hong Kong. On Sunday, after a massively long night's sleep, I went to my friend Fred's house and played Left 4 Dead 2.  It was awesome. I usually hate gore and shooting games, but this one was really good.  It is four people who are left behind in various locations and they have to kill their way through a ton of zombies and special zombies to get out. Since it is four people even when you get swarmed and shut your eyes trying to shoot (like me) you can still usually make it to the end point....usually.

Aside from the fact my friend kept telling me that I have to keep my eyes open to shoot zombies, I was very proud of my kill rate - the lowest of all four characters but more zombies than I have ever killed.  I was also convinced when we started playing this game that I would have nightmares in the evening, since I am such a weenie.  But I didn't, and now I really want to play more! Apparently there is also a Left 4 Dead which is good, according to my zombie expert friend (Fred).

So it is now Monday in HK and I have to (sadly) get back to work.  Maybe if I get a page of stuff written I can reward myself by crashing Fred's place and playing Left 4 Dead 2....although if he doesn't play with me I will probably be killed in record time.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012

Autumn Tastes Like...


Even though Hong Kong doesn't have an autumn I love the changing colours and miss them desperately. I miss the changing of the seasons and especially all the food that usually entails. So when yesterday I received a writing prompt with the words “what does autumn taste like” I felt I really needed to write something for this. It isn't meant to be a poem or even a structured thought. It is meant to be disjointed with no real beginning or end, since I wish it was autumn all year round.

Autumn
Brown and orange mix to create gingerbread men
Pink red of glazed ham hot from the oven
Dark brown of pecans slightly burnt on the top of pie
Pale yellow of butter as it melts into mashed potatoes
Bright orange of juice in the morning with eggs
Black of coffee (any season really)
Dusty brown of spices like cinnamon, clove and nutmeg
Deep red of cranberry sauce on turkey
Light yellow of icing on white cookies
Burnt orange of sweet potatoes with white marshmallows
Green from green bean casserole
Dark yellow of mustard with ham
Crimson of mulled wine with a kick of spice and an orange for flavour
Pale brown of whiskey to wash it all down

Tiffany stained glass at the
Metropolitan Museum New York
even more beautiful up close
Damn now I am hungry. I hope you are too.

Tuesday, 9 October 2012

Gift Giving Cliff Notes

I have had time recently to catch up on my reading, and specifically my blog reading. I was happy to note that one of my favorites Confessions of a Recovering Cynic has posted a cliff notes on gift giving for spouses (husbands).  My favorite line is "Here you'll find everything you'll need to avoid divorce court" only a cynic could say that. The other quote I like is "A Happy wife equals a Happy life." The link to the specific blog entry is here.

Even though I am a romantic at heart, I felt it my duty to reference this blog, because well my husband needs help in the gift giving aspect of our marriage.  Now if I could only get him to read this blog...

Another blog that always makes me laugh is The Bloggess. Because I don't have much else to say today I just thought I would mention her again. I think everyone should read this blog as well as her book which I have mentioned before here.

xoxox

Saturday, 6 October 2012

Roleplaying - Rogue Trader

For a while now I have been in a regular Friday night roleplaying group that plays Rogue Trader in the 40k warhammer universe.  At first I was worried about this, because I have never roleplayed outside of D&D and this one is set in the future - with space ships and lasers etc.

In actuality I love this game.  I think it has a lot to do with the DM, who changes things he doesn't like about the 40k universe, and he is one of the best descriptive talkers I have ever met.  So every time we have an action event, it becomes completely real because of his description.

In addition to the DM, the other players have also really gotten into a groove lately.  I have felt this before when I played with friends in England, and it is always awesome.  When every person is really into their character and you hardly have to leave character the whole night.  It usually means there are a lot of jokes and laughter - which is the best kind of roleplaying really.

Last night was big for me - which is why I am finally writing it out. My character (Brida) had to confront another character.  It was very scary. Action is fine, you just hit things and aim for the bad guy.  But character development has always been my weakness. Even with my group in England I felt for years that I didn't belong totally, but then finally became more comfortable with the people as well as characters.  It seems the same with this group in HK, I am finally comfortable enough with the people that my character can speak more freely.  I am no longer worried about judgement - which is liberating.

It is a little sad that I am just finally getting to this point as I am leaving. But I am determined to keep in touch with these guys via Skype - so all is not a waste.  Plus I will be able to take some tools I have learned from these crazy kids in HK to my group in England.  Like how awesome playing in the future can be.

All of this roleplaying and finally getting into character is making me think a lot of my friends in the UK.  About a year and half ago one of the players bought a game called Gloom.  At the time I really didn't want to play it.  It is mainly descriptive story telling game.  In the original Gloom you get a family and slowly by telling a story and using the cards in your hands you have to kill off every member of the family.  Each death and card gives you points, so in the end the total points wins.  There is an awesome Table Top (which is a show that tries out games) video on this, in case you want to see how it is played.  Now I am excited to go back and play it.  I just hope my friend doesn't mind my delay :-)

After last night our DM asked either me or the person I was confronting - Helga- to write out a detailed description of what happened.  This is what he (the person behind Helga) e-mailed this morning.  It was so hilarious and perfect I asked if I could put it here. Enjoy. Note before reading - the writer called this confrontation "Helga and Brida's civilized words in the most ladylike fashion" and you should know that Helga is having anger management issues recently in game.

Brida had been spying on her. On HER! Muttering curses and explicit phrases while quickly dressing, Helga Barbaretta was fuming. She looked at herself in the mirror for a moment, ice cold eyes staring back at her. The eyes of someone who had seen it all, and conquered it with brute force and a warm gun. Someone who had written her legend in blood and pain on countless ships and planets over the years. She could feel the muscles tensing under her military style clothing as she clenched her fists repeatedly. She turned and left the changing booth, leaving behind a shattered mirror and broken glass on the floor.

Brida had locked her quarters. Helga wasn't surprised. She was, however, surprised to find that Brida was actually there. Maybe she wasn't all that smart after all. She knocked.
'Who is it?'

'Open the door!'
'Why would I do that?'
'Open the door!'
'I'm not sure I want to do that!'
Helga grinded her teeth for a second, veins pulsating on her neck and forehead, before ripping into the door with her hands, pulling it from it's hinges, forcing it open with a terrible scraping sounds. As she was starting to make progress, Brida pressed it open on her wall console, causing Helga to stumble into the room. Regaining her balance, Helga immediately made her way across the room towards Brida, who was standing by the far wall, facing her. With all her might, Helga slammed Brida against the wall with her hand clenched around her neck, though not quite. Something was there, in between her palm and Brida's thin, vulnerable, weak neck.
'Why are you spying on me?' she yelled, lifting Brida from the floor, back still pressed against the wall.
'I wasn't!' Brida replied, struggling to free herself, before adding 'Ok, yes, I was. But I had my reasons to!'
'And what, pray tell, are those reasons?!' Helga spat the words in the psychers face.
'This would be SO much easier if you would calm down.'
'Why were you spying on me?'
'Why are you so angry? There's really no need for this aggres-'
'Last chance Brida. Why! Were! You! Spying! On! Me?'
'Is this about me seeing you naked?'
Brida immediately realized that wasn't the smartest thing she could have said, and it showed in her face, as well as Helgas, where a flash of even worse rage crossed it, before she grabbed a hold of Bridas collar and ripped her clothing into shreds with her free hand.
'I can see you naked any time I want, Brida!'
Brida struggled to keep herself covered with what was left of her robes, while at the same time clinging to Helgas arm to buy herself some leverage in order to not choke, despite the force field around her.
'Fair enough, but hear me out. Please.'
Helga moved closer to Brida, so that mere inches separated their faces.
'I think you're not quite yourself. I think something happened to change you.'
'What would that be? And how does that excuse you spying on me?'
'I believe that something happened to you when you were fighting that sorcerer! Something that changed you, somehow.'
Helga stared back at Brida, unflinching, waiting for her to continue. Brida swallowed, and continued.
'I... I first noticed just after I joined your crew. On that Eldar ship. When you cut that Eldar who attacked us in half!'
Helga narrowed her eyes, thinking back.
'Not that I'm complaining about the way you cut people in half, I love the way you cut people in half, I think it's great! Really!' (note from Brida - this was placating not serious)
Helga's knuckles started to ache from the pressure she was applying to whatever was shielding Brida from a well deserved snapped neck.
'It's just, well, it's just that I think something happened while you were fighting  that sorcerer on Footfall. Do you remember what happened that time?'
Helga forced the words out through her teeth.
'I remember everything!'
'So tell me. What happened that time? You got hit by something, didn't you?'
'He threw a knife at the captain, yes.'
'I believe it was a spell...'
'He threw a knife. At the captain.'
'And you took it for him, right?'
'He avoided it and it hit me.'
'And I think that spell, not knife, spell changed you.'
'And how would you know this?'
Helga's voice is like razorblades against soft, weak skin. 
'Because you're what... a psycher?'
Brida stares back at her in silence for a moment before speaking.
'That depends on whether you will kill me if I say yes or not.'
'I have no problem with you psychers.' The last word sounding full of malice.
'Good. I don't know for sure how their spells work, it's not like with us psychers. We make things happen and they go away, but I believe sorcerers effects will linger on. In your blood, like.'
Helga stares in silence.
'Now would you please put me down?'
With a guttural roar, Helga throws Brida across the room, on top of the bed, her head slightly bumping against the headboard, before proceeding to throw a chair after her. The chair smashes against the wall, showering the bed and Brida with debris. She punches into the door console, in an attempt to force the door shut. It stays open as the console sends sparks and tiny billows of smoke into the room.
'So you agree then, something changed that day?'
'I'm in control!'
'I'm sure you are, I never said anything to the contrary.'
'I'm stronger than it.'
'It?'
'I'm in control!'
'I'm glad to hear that, but aren't you curious about it?'
'Of course I'm fucking curious!'
'Don't you wonder what happened?'
'What does it matter? I'm stronger than ever, and I'm in control!'
'That's great, if you grow stronger and remain in control of this... whatever it is, that's amazing, really! But what if one day you can't control it, because you don't understand what it is?'
'Shut your mouth, you snotty little bitch! I'm in control!'
Helga smashes a table in half with her fists, before sending the wrecked halves flying across the room in opposite directions, trashing additional furniture and clothing.
'What if you lose control, and you hurt the captain?'
Helga freezes in her tracks for a moment, before turning towards Brida. She storms over to her, pointing her finger in her face while her voice booms out across the room.
'You dare? You dare to insinuate I would ever hurt the captain!? How fucking dare you? I would never hurt that man after all he's done for me! You... you little... fucking...!'
'But what if? Don't you think this man that you feel such loyalty to, who trusts you with his life, don't you think he should know about this?'
'You're telling me what to do? Who do you think you are?!'
Helga's face is a mask of rage, ready to explode into a rampage of epic proportions at any moment.
'I'm someone who's concerned about your well being. Can't you see I'm trying to help you here?'
'I DON'T NEED ANYONE'S HELP! I'm in control! I'm the strongest!'
Helgas fist smashes through a bookshelf, the contents of which tumble out all over the floor.
'But what if you DO end up hurting the captain? All that trust between you would mean nothing then.'
'I'M IN CONTROL!'
Helga punches the wall repeatedly while yelling, repeating the same sentence over and over, like a mantra.
'I'M IN CONTROL! I'M IN CONTROL! I'M IN CONTROL!'
As she glances around the room, seeing the broken furniture and clothing, her voice changes, followed by her facial expression. Finally she stops while staring at Brida in her torn clothing, sitting on the bed.
'I'M IN CONTROL! I'M in control! I'm.. in... control?'
Her eyes flicker around, unable to focus on any specific spot.
'No, no, no. I'm the strongest. I am. Me!'
She grabs her head, forcefully massaging her temples while sinking to her knees on the floor in front of Brida.
'No no no no no no. I'm the strongest. Helga Barbaretta. The strongest. Helga the Red. I am Helga Barbaretta. I am Helga Barbaretta. I am...'
Brida sits on the side of the bed, carefully patting Helga while biting her lip. She's obviously somewhat at a loss about what to do.

After a few moments of sobbing into her hands, Helga stands. She looks into Bridas eyes.
'So why were you spying on me in the shower then?'
'I wanted to see, you know, if you had any kind of mark or scar left where the spell hit you.'
'Why? What does it matter?'
'Like I said, aren't you curious? Don't you wonder about it?'
'Of course I do. Of course I have wondered what it is. What it means. I have never felt this strong, this... alive. But maybe, just maybe...'
Helga hesitates for a moment. Then she unbuttons her jacket and pulls down the shirt to reveal the mark on her chest to Brida.
'Is this what you wanted to see? Is it all clear to you now? Does it all snap into place?'
'Would you mind if I researched it?'
'The mark?'
'The mark, yes. Would you mind? So that we may know what it is?'
Helga covers the mark up again.
'Go ahead. Knock yourself out. But not a word about this. It stays between us for now.'
Helga looks around the room. Looks at Brida. She turns around and walks towards the door.
'I'll send someone to take care of this mess.'

She disappears out through the doorway, her boots echoing down the hallway. Anyone in the vicinity most likely legged it the moment Helga started ripping into the door.
Brida lets out a breath she didn't notice she had been holding and slumps a bit on the bed for a moment before she starts looking for some undamaged clothing. Someone is bound to show up very soon. Better be properly dressed when they do.

Friday, 5 October 2012

Flowers and Dragon's Back

About five days before my husband and I went to Japan, he came home with these, probably to make me feel better about loosing a frisbee in the ocean (see below):

I love roses, and I especially love simple flower bouquets - so these were perfect.  I always enjoy getting flowers, but am always sad that I can't have them longer. Usually you get about 5 days, if you treat them well.  In Hong Kong you get about three days.  I hate fake flowers, so I will never go that route, but I wish there was a way to have flowers longer.  My husband once said should take a picture.  So I have for every set of flowers I receive. When I am having a not so great day, I will open the file with the flowers and enjoy them in photo form.  (Note to Husband: this does not mean that you can now just give me photos of flowers)

Also before we went away, we hiked with a group of friends over the Dragon's Back.  A pretty famous hike in Hong Kong that has stunning views.  We met up around lunch with our friends, and then went hiking.  The hike ends near a bus stop, and you can hop on a bus that goes to the beach.  It is a great finish to a hike like this, lying in sand or swimming to cool down.  After we had all cooled down we went for Thai food, which was very delicious. All in all it was a great day out with my Hong Kong roleplaying group - and since we rarely go out into the sunshine - it was probably good for us as well.




However, for me it had one hitch.  After eating at the Thai place we then headed to another near by beach to play frisbee.  The friend who organised this whole hike and food thing had also wanted to try out his new frisbees he got from the US while travelling.  This would have been a perfect end to a perfect day had I not thrown one of his brand new frisbees right into the deep part of the ocean. Note - plastic Aerobee frisbees DO NOT float!  What I wouldn't have given for a $5 nerf frisbee at that moment! It went flying straight into the deep part of the shore, like I believed for some reason there was a Kraken there ready to catch it and throw it back - there wasn't a Kracken - stupid reality!  

I then felt terrible and got into the water with all my clothes on (since I didn't have a swim suit with me) and began driving for the frisbee.  Even my husband got in the water and tried to help (he at least had a swim suit) but alas it was useless.  The brand new frisbee gone - and I felt horrible for ruining the whole day.  I melancholically got on the bus to go home and told my friend I would buy him a new one.  Which as it happens has just arrived in the post yesterday (yeah for international online shops!).  But before I could be happy about this, another friend who was there and laughing at me - posted this on Facebook.  


What great friends I have!  It took a day or so - but truly this made me laugh and feel better - so I do have great friends! So maybe in retrospect the day wasn't so ruined.

Thursday, 4 October 2012

Himeji, Nara, Temples and Yarn

Temple near Himeji

Over the mid autumn festival weekend (HK got Monday and Tuesday off work this week) my husband and I decided to take a last trip to Japan before we move out of Asia. In January we are moving back to England because we miss it far too much. We will miss HK, but also we will miss being able to have short holidays in Japan.

For this trip we flew to Osaka and took a train immediately from the airport to Himeji, a town along the coast facing Shikoku. Himeji has a reasonably famous castle which we intended to visit, as well as a group of temples that were used in part of The Last Samurai movie. The castle, thanks to our poor planning, was actually being renovated, so couldn’t be seen from the outside. There were grounds around the castle with many outlying buildings that were looked beautiful. We decided instead of paying to see the inside of the castle, to go to the temple grouping.

Autumn colors Himeji

There was a rope way gondola shuttling people up to the top of the mountain where the temples were. It was a serene day that looked like it would rain, so there weren't many people. From the gondola we took a hike to the top, and enjoyed the most lovely autumn colors.


I laughed slightly at this little temple statue with a crocheted hat. I guess there is crochet everywhere! And yarn of course.


Nara
The next day we took a train to Nara and spent most of the day in the hotel playing battleship. There was a typhoon this day so going outside would have been adventurous.  We got soaked walking the 100 meters from the train station to the hotel.  Since we only had one pair of shoes each and few clothes since it was a weekend trip, we didn't want to spend the whole next day still wet. So instead we made our own fun and the next day was beautiful! We met up with one of the volunteer guides, who told us about the five storey temple and the surrounding area. 

We had lunch with him and then headed to Tōdai-ji. Which is the tallest wooden structure in the world. Apparently it used to be bigger, but when it was rebuilt they had to make it one third smaller in width.  The temple is filled with amazing wooden statues and a bronze Buddha.  There was also a museum nearby that had many older artifacts from these temples. Apparently the temples in Nara have burned down many times (some has many has 100 times) because they were always built with wood, and well, wood burns.  The wooden temples though, were always topped with fish tails (see picture, golden tails on roof) in the hopes that the building would be protected from fire.  Since fish are from the water, than the whole building is "submerged" in water with the fish tails at the top proving it! 

The park surrounding the Tōdai-ji temple is populated by over 1,000 deer.  Who are quite happy to come up to you and try to steal any food you might have.  There are vendors around the area providing a rice snack to feed the deer - but as you can see it is difficult even to get to the vendors.  All in all - the deer were lovely and nothing like the more aggressive monkeys we have here in Hong Kong.

Even though we only had one day in Nara it was worth it. I was a little temple fatigued at the end of our three days in Japan, but that also was worth it. I love to be able to see the slightly more out of the city place in Japan, since the landscape is so beautiful and everywhere is so easy to get around. Although I fortunately have my husband, who has been learning Japanese for 7 years. This means we can mostly get by in Japanese and that helps massively!

After a long day around Nara – we of course had to visit a yarn shop. I found this lovely one and wanted to buy all their hand spun cotton – but alas couldn't afford it. So instead I bought some bulky denim blue yarn from a shop right next door.



But since the first shop I went into was so beautiful I had to post pictures here.  If you have the same sort of obsession with yarn as I do, then enjoy salivating over this yarn as I did while in Nara. 

Wednesday, 3 October 2012

First Days of School


The final term of my MA has started. I have had two (or was it three) useful meetings with my final project adviser as well as three classes days of the Science Fiction and Utopia course I am taking.

I love the science fiction class, and I hope to put more on this blog about it in detail. So far we learned a little of the history of Science Fiction and Utopia as a words and genres.  Utopia, literally meaning "no place" can be traced back to Plato's republic and Thomas More's Utopia

In fact most people confuse Utopia with Eutopia, literally "good place." There is also confusion between utopia and dystopia, which are not opposites as most people usually think. A utopia cannot exist without eventually creating a dystopia. So in a way they are similar, because the process by which they are created is the same: the intention of people to create a perfect/good world. But my perfect world is not yours – so a dystopia is produced for you. Lastly, a utopian world is usually maintained by violence and control, which are dystopian in nature.  Think of Orwell's 1984.

The Final Project I have to do is a 10,000 word paper on basically anything I choose, pertaining to Literature of course. I have chosen to write on Carson McCullers novels and novellas. I may blog about this in more detail but honestly to non-academics it won't be very exciting. I am enjoying the work so far, but there is a lot of it. When writing a paper there is weeks and weeks of reading preparation before the writing can begin. That is a normal size paper of 3-6,000 words. Since this is larger than that, you'd think there would be more outside research. In fact this isn't true. When writing a paper this long you need to completely understand the text you are choosing to write on – in this case for me McCullers' work.

I am in the school of thought that doesn't believe a text can ever be completely understood, but this doesn't mean I should only read a text once before writing on it. Mostly likely by the end of this paper I would have read all of McCullers' work at least 3 times, and more likely 5-6 times.

While this paper may sound very hard and tedious, in fact it isn't. For students who choose to go into academia in any way – they will write far far far more than this little paper. Since I have no immediate intention of going into academia, I get a break after this 10,000 word paper. My friend who has chosen to work on an Mphil (sort of between an MA and a PhD). The two of us are writing similar outlines, but hers is only a proposal for a much longer paper. If she is accepted into a program based on this proposal, she will then spend one to two years working on her Mphil paper. After which she can continue and apply for a PhD program and actively try to publish some of her work.

A while ago, maybe during my BA, I would have thought working towards a PhD ideal. Its perfect, you can stay in education, stay an eternal student, and come out at the end with the potential of getting a job. Getting a job in academia is hard, but not impossible if you work hard and get published. I started to turn away from the idea of a PhD when I realised that maybe academia isn't for me. I do love the education and being a student. But I don't love the panic and stress of trying to write about anything and everything. Also in academia, or at least from what I hear, there is a reasonable amount of competition among academics. You have to compete for job spaces, journal entries, published works, grants, conferences etc. I am sure there are academics whose whole life is not competition and stress, but I don't think I would be one of those.

I think some stress is healthy and necessary in life. But you can choose the things you are better at dealing with, so that you don't get overwhelmed. I don't think I am good at dealing with the stresses of academia. I would like to be, it would be great to stay in school and continue to a PhD. Instead I will strive to learn more about what stresses I can handle and enjoy school while I am here.

Three terms at CUHK has taught me how much I love literature and books in general. I am looking forward to this year. However, as I begin the year I am a little reflective. In these reflections I think maybe it is time to move to another area of books, like publishing or retail. I love being around all kinds of books, but this time at school has taught me academia isn't in my future – for now at least.

This change in my mindset is coming at a perfect time. Since my husband and I are leaving Hong Kong at the end of January. We are finally moving back to England, not sure where specifically we are going back to, but it will be another fun experience we will have together.